


Berserker

by Jelly_Bean_Machine



Series: Nightmares (Kingdom Hearts) [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Background Axel/Saix, Background Lea/Isa - Freeform, Berserker - Freeform, Brief Mention of Blood, But It Was Just a Nightmare, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Sea Salt Family, Trichotillomania
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:14:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22876126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jelly_Bean_Machine/pseuds/Jelly_Bean_Machine
Summary: "Guilt, anger, and despair broke through like a massive flood. And then Xion bolted up in bed and began screaming."In which Xion has a nightmare of the Keyblade War and Berserker magic sets off.
Series: Nightmares (Kingdom Hearts) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644397
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	Berserker

**Author's Note:**

> Posting my first fic in over a goddamn decade after months of procrastination!
> 
> Also I wasn't sure if I should tag Trichotillomania (hair-pulling disorder) since it's brief, but I'd rather do so just in case than be a dick. If there are any more tags I should mention, please let me know!
> 
> In any case, this is a first of a series I've had in my head for a while cause goddamn, who could be okay after all the crap that went down in this franchise? Partially inspired by convos between myself and my darling friend interstellarvagabond (who you can find here on Ao3 and Tumblr)

“Who… are you?”

The only answer the redheaded man received was a Keyblade pierced through his chest. Xion didn’t hesitate, yet her hands still trembled as she took down the Guardian of Light. His green eyes widened in shock as his heart rose out of his chest and was promptly consumed by darkness. Xion withdrew her Keyblade, and his body crumpled to the ground. She watched as he took short gasps of breath, pathetically clinging to life to take one more look at her. She froze once their eyes met and his were flooding with tears of recognition.

“Xi… on…. I’m… sorry…”

_Afternoons at the top of the clocktower. Missions together in distant worlds. Laughter. Sea salt ice cream. Joys and regrets they weren’t supposed to feel._

Xion gripped the sides of her head as the memories flooded in at once. The present faded away when she finally remembered the man she struck down.

Axel… one of her best friends… his once lively, vibrant eyes were vacant and staring at nothing, and tear streaks painted his face.

He should’ve just become a Nobody, just a hollow shell. He should be back up already. Why wasn’t he waking up? Why was there red pooling around him?

Did she…? _Was he…?_

Guilt, anger, and despair broke through like a massive flood. And then Xion bolted up in bed and began screaming.

~

It was a low rumble of energy which threatened to pull Isa from slumber. At first he didn’t register the anxious pounding in his chest, the dreaded anticipation of _something_ , but he wasn’t sure what, and he tried falling back asleep. Then, the energy came again in a massive wave and a high-pitched shriek echoed through the house, which made both Isa and Lea sit right up.

Their covers flew off, and the two rushed out of their room and down the hall. Xion’s door was wide open with swirls of azure magic spilling out. The aura pulsed, and Roxas was hurled out of the room, his body smacking against the wall and collapsing to the ground.

“Roxas!” Lea was quick to Roxas’s side and helped him slowly sit up. “What happened?”

“Xion…. Xion, she’s…” Roxas began.

Isa peered into the room and felt his heart sink. Xion was clutching the sides of her head, her fingers tightly tangled in her hair. Her eyes were wide and burning hot in yellow as tears poured down. Her breath came in short gasps with another scream threatening to burst out again. The Berserker magic cocooned around her shaking body.

At the time, Xion was vaguely aware of Isa’s plans to betray the Organization and atone for his mistakes, even if she didn’t have any memory of her old life. Yet she trusted him enough to follow him and ask for training with Berserk. Isa hoped she wasn’t too exposed to the magic to set off a rage like this. How could he be so naive to overestimate the emotional strength of a child? He could only imagine what nightmare triggered this form, knowing too well of such restless nights when he convinced himself he wasn’t supposed to feel anything.

Roxas tried getting up to his feet in an attempt to go in again, but Isa held out his arm to stop him.

“Not another step,” Isa said firmly. “You’re not trained to handle this magic. She’ll just throw you out again.”

After a deep breath, Isa stepped inside towards Xion, and Lea firmly held Roxas back. The aura grew wild again like flames as it sensed Isa’s presence. Xion curled in on herself and whimpered. She trembled uncontrollably and already pulled some hair from her scalp in the panicked state.

“Xion, I’m so sorry.” Isa’s voice was still firm, but gentle. “I never should have shown you this magic.”

He carefully sat in front of her and reached for her hands. His fingers wrapped around hers before she pulled out any more hair. 

“You’re safe. You’re home. It’s all over.”

Xion slowly uncurled, but the magic still violently whipped around.

“Xion, look at me.” Isa tilted her chin up. Her eyes still burned yellow as they blankly stared at him. “You can come back to us now. I promise nothing will hurt you.”

Xion blinked a couple times before slumping forward into Isa’s shoulder. The magic’s aura and the glow in her eyes both faded as Isa slowly wrapped an arm around her, careful not to hold her too tightly if she began struggling. He placed his hand between her shoulder blades and slowly rubbed in circles.

“That’s it… Just breathe.” Isa whispered the comforting reassurances until the intense aura finally died down. He gently scooped her up in his arms as she broke out in a cold sweat. Outside the room, Roxas’s face was still full of intense worry, and Lea exhaled a breath which sounded like it was stuck in his throat.

“Is it gone now? How is she?” Lea asked, slowly loosening his grip on Roxas.

“Mostly gone, but she exerted so much energy.” Isa carried her out of her room. “Heal Roxas first, then make Xion cocoa and a light snack. And knock gently before you come in.”

Lea nodded and led Roxas away to the kitchen as Isa took Xion to the master bedroom and turned on one of the bedside lamps. He sat her up on the bed against the pillows and checked her eyes again. They were half-lidded in exhaustion, but thankfully back to ocean blue. He wrapped a spare blanket around her shoulders and stepped away for a moment to the bathroom. By the time Isa returned, Xion was finally aware of her surroundings.

“Wha… where..?” She began as the disorientation set in.

“You went Berserk in your sleep,” Isa explained as he gently dabbed a warm, damp towel to her forehead. “Try not to move too much.”

“Nnh.” Xion leaned into the touch. “But… Roxas…?”

“Roxas had some minor injuries,” Isa answered, “Lea’s healing him and fixing up something to eat.”

Xion looked down guiltily and pulled the blanket around her tighter. She sniffled and huddled close to Isa. He wrapped an arm around her again, and his free hand gently pet her hair– he also checked to make sure she didn’t hurt herself too much from pulling out her hair.

“You didn’t know,” Isa continued. “Neither did Roxas. It’s too easy to lose yourself.”

“Does it always hurt this much?” Xion asked, her voice barely above a mumble.

“Yes,” he said after a deep breath, “Though at the time, I refused to admit how much it hurt to repress those emotions while controlling all too powerful magic. When it first happened, I broke Lea’s arm and blacked out for a month.”

“Will it… go away for good…?”

Isa had to will himself to not flinch at that question. As much as he wished they could forget the Organization and the Keyblade War, he knew it was futile. As much as he and Lea wanted Roxas and Xion to have a normal life, there was nothing normal about all the trauma they endured in only a year or two of existence. Despite years of learning to cope, even Isa never mastered masking the agony which came with the Berserk magic.They deserved a better start than what they got, and Roxas and Xion knew better than to accept false hope. All they could do now was take the healing day by day.

“I don’t know,” Isa sighed. “I don’t know if it ever will.” Isa cupped Xion’s face and tilted her head up. “Xion, I can’t promise this pain will go away, but you don’t have to face it alone. You don’t need to hide or shut anyone out. We promised we’ll always be together, right?”

Xion nodded as tears welled up in her eyes again. She wrapped her arms around Isa’s neck and buried her face into his shoulder.

“There we go.” Isa rubbed circles into her back, and he kissed the top of her head as he smoothed down her hair. “Let it out… Let it out.”

Isa looked up when he heard three gentle knocks at the door, and Lea slowly cracked it open. He had a plate of apple slices while Roxas was right behind him with two cups of cocoa. Concern still painted Roxas’s eyes, but he appeared more cautious than before and followed Lea’s example in his calculated near-soundlessness.

“May we come in?” Lea asked.

“Yes, you may,” Isa replied. Xion glanced up as Lea and Roxas approached the bed.

“Feeling any better, Xion?”

“Mmh,” Xion answered as she rubbed her eyes. “I’m sorry for making you worry.”

“It’s okay.” Lea’s voice remained soft as he sat on the bed. “You don’t need to apologize.”

Xion looked up at Lea, and she began shaking again. She shifted away from Isa to wrap her arms tightly around Lea. New sobs and apologies muffled into his chest. Lea quickly set aside the plate and pulled Xion close in a tight, protective hug.

“You don’t need to tell us what happened if you don’t want to,” Lea said. “But I promise, we’re not going anywhere.”

Roxas placed the two cups next to the apple slices before climbing onto the bed beside Xion. He carefully placed a hand on her shoulder. Xion continued mumbling apologies until her tears finally dried and her body stopped shaking. She wriggled an arm out to grab a couple apple slices to munch on.

“It was… the Keyblade Graveyard,” Xion said softly. “And Axel… you… you were...” Her lips quivered as she tried recounting the nightmare. She shook her head as the gruesome images of Lea’s corpse briefly flashed. Lea took hold of her hand and pressed his thumb into her palm.

“It’s okay,” Lea responded. “Remember what Isa said: you’re safe and you’re home. And we’ll always be here to bring each other back.”

“Safe… and home..” Xion repeated. She leaned her head into his shoulder with her eyes shut tightly.

“Headache?”

Xion nodded.

“I’ll get her some medicine,” Isa said as he slowly moved off the bed and headed towards the bathroom again. “Make sure she eats a little more.”

Lea reached over for the plate of apple slices and carefully placed them in Xion’s lap. She grabbed another slice to eat. Meanwhile, Roxas moved to her side where Isa was sitting. She looked over at him with fatigued eyes.

“Roxas, I’m so sorry,” Xion mumbled. She reached for his hand.

“Mmh.” Roxas shook his head and laced their fingers together. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to.” He gave a soft, reassuring smile.

Isa returned with two ibuprofen tablets and placed them in Xion’s hand. As she put them in her mouth, Isa handed over the mugs of cocoa to her and Roxas. Xion swallowed down the pills with a sip of cocoa.

“Thank you,” She exhaled.

“Finish drinking up,” Lea said with a smile. “It’ll put you right back to sleep.”

Xion nodded, and she and Roxas continued sipping their cocoa and eating apple slices. Isa settled back on Roxas’s other side, and the four sat in the finally peaceful silence. Xion cuddled closer to Roxas as sleep was ready to drag her in. She nodded off for a moment and clenched his hand too tightly once her head jolted up.

“It’s okay,” Roxas whispered. “We’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” She asked, doubt in her eyes.

“Promise.”

Lea took the empty plate and mugs and set them aside on his night stand. Xion pulled Roxas to lay down with her and pressed her head into his chest. Roxas wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. Roxas muttered softly and reassuringly into her hair, but neither Isa or Lea could pick it what it was before they fell fast asleep.

“Thank goodness,” Lea sighed deeply as he ran his hand through his hair.

“I never should have taught her how to use Berserk,” Isa whispered. “I never wanted her to carry this burden.”

“Isa,” Lea said as he reached over and took Isa’s hand. “She trusted you to teach her how to fight again. You did what you had to do to bring her back. It’s no use to wonder how things could’ve gone differently. We’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

Isa laced their fingers together and squeezed tightly. He took a couple deep breaths before looking over at Lea. “When did you become so mature?”

Lea chuckled softly. “Can’t let you be the grown-up all the time.” He leaned over and kissed Isa’s cheek. “C’mon, we need some sleep too.”

Isa nodded, and they settled in under the covers with Xion and Roxas taking up the middle of the bed. Lea wrapped a protective arm around the two while Isa’s arm laid on top of his. His thumb idly traced circles into Lea’s skin. Xion’s nose wrinkled as she shifted. Her face was finally relaxed as sleep took her in. Isa carefully reached over to brush a stray strand of hair from her eyes.

“Sleep well, Xion.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Tomorrow will be better. I’ll make sure of it.”

_We’re here now… We’re here now._

Isa silently repeated Lea’s words in his head as sleep began taking over again. With each repeat, his anxious heartbeat slowed until he only heard the other three’s soft breaths, safe and sound. He squeezed Lea’s forearm once more before falling asleep himself.

The nightmares stayed at bay as Xion’s dreams faded from dusty wastelands to beaches and warm sunsets.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated! You can also check me out on Twitter @JellyLizzy


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